For well over a decade, I wrestled with a thought I couldn’t shake: This isn’t what I’m meant for.
On paper, my career was great, but over time the work shifted and something essential was lost. I made a few attempts to change direction completely, but without a guide, I could never quite find my way forward. I kept returning to my “safety net” and told myself to be grateful for the opportunities I’d been given.
The thought kept squeezing. This is not what I’m meant for.
“Coaching was what I had longed to do without even knowing it.”
The year I turned 50, I told my husband, not for the first time, that I felt like I was stuffing important pieces of myself in the dark corner of a forgotten closet and I was terrified I’d never see them again. Still, I was afraid to let go of my safety net. Who would I be if I left my career behind? What would I do? Would I still matter? The questions swirled and held me in place until continuing to cling felt scarier than letting go.
The first thing I did was hire a coach to guide me. As we examined my life and interests, I realized that my past attempts at change usually leaned heavily into my passions, but didn’t feel purposeful enough to sustain lasting change. In those conditions, finding a path was nearly impossible.
“Have you thought about doing what I do?” my coach asked one day. Time stopped for just an instant as I realized that, though I’d never called it by that name, coaching was what I had longed to do without even knowing it.